it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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