I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This can only be settled by a dance off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
