Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
