You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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