She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I believe in your delicious
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize