dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
