Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize