I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
