I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
