You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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