All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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