WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
