mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
