I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
