it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
