Tell her she can't have a vagina
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
