I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I look better un-naked...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
