Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
