To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
