Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize