drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
