Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
