are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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