My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
