Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
