I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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