I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
