It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
