Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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