Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
