using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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