My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
