Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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