Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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