YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I AM VODKA MAN
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
