ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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