fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
