Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
