so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
