Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize