I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
