So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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