Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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