i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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