OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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