Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
