whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we're making bets on your personal life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
