oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize