We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
