Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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