Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
