the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
