C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
