I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize