your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it's great music for shaving your balls
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
