how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
