sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
