Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
