guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize