I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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