I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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