im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
