i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
