his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
