Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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