if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
