i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
