Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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