im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
