dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize