I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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