And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
